When Having A Crush While In A Relationship Is OK And When It’s Not

And no, it doesn’t make you a bad partner or a deceitful person.

In fact, psychologist and dating coach Samantha Rodman said it’s commonplace for people in relationships to develop crushes, especially after a couple has been together for some time.

buy canada goose jacket “It’s very normal and may have nothing to do with happiness in the relationship overall,” Rodman, who is based in North Bethesda, Maryland, told HuffPost. “Crushes make people feel attractive and alive, and people often get them even when they are very committed to their partners, but the relationship is no longer in that swooning honeymoon phase.” buy canada goose jacket

Being coupled up doesn’t mean you suddenly stop meeting or noticing attractive, appealing people out in the world, Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California, said.

canada goose “You won’t stop noticing or feeling attraction toward others, as those feelings are automatic and frankly beyond our control,” Howes, co creator of the Mental Health Boot canada goose outlet seattle Camp, told HuffPost. canada goose

canada goose uk outlet “Crushes make people feel attractive and alive, and people often get them even when they are very committed to their partners, but the relationship is no longer in that https://www.canadagoosejacketsforcheap.com swooning honeymoon phase.” canada goose uk outlet

cheap Canada Goose Samantha Rodman, psychologist and dating coach cheap Canada Goose

What canada goose jacket uk is within your control is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life?

canada goose uk shop “It’s a choice to flirt, to daydream and fantasize about this person or to choose to have more contact with them,” Howes said. “In other words, an initial attraction may be unavoidable, but canada goose outlet trillium parka black nurturing that attraction through thought and action is on you.” canada goose uk shop

uk canada goose outlet Below, relationship experts explain why crushes can develop while you’re in a relationship, when these crushes cross the line, and what to do if you think your crush has turned into something more serious. uk canada goose outlet

(Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangements, the rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged.)

What does it mean if you develop a crush?

Generally, a crush if it is truly just that is harmless and isn’t necessarily indicative of an underlying issue in the relationship.

“Having a crush doesn’t mean a person wants out of the relationship they’re in,” said Kathy Hardie Williams, a marriage and family therapist in Portland, Oregon.

But when you choose to feed into that crush, there’s probably a reason you’re doing so.

“People often talk about the crush meeting needs that aren’t being met in the committed relationship,” Howes told HuffPost. “The relationship has become routine or boring, for example, but their interactions with their crush are fun and exciting. Or their partner doesn’t share an interest in canada goose outlet in vancouver movies, but the crush loves movies and wants to talk about them all the time.”

“People often talk about the crush meeting needs that aren’t being met in canada goose outlet locations in toronto the committed relationship.”

canada goose coats Maybe you’re feeling suffocated by your current partner and you’re looking for an escape. Or, perhaps, you’ve hit a rough patch in the relationship where you and your partner aren’t connecting or communicating openly. In other cases, the crush may be an attempt to make your partner jealous or to get them to pay more attention to you if you’ve been feeling neglected. canada goose coats

“The deficits in the relationship, whether temporary or permanent, could make the crush seem that much more appealing,” Howes told HuffPost.

canada goose clearance sale Rodman recommends canada goose outlet usa that you spend a little time reflecting on why you’re crushing on this person in particular. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person. canada goose clearance sale

So when does a crush cross the line?

A crush that starts innocently enough might begin to cross the line into emotional affair territory if left unchecked. One telltale sign: When you get news, good or bad, is your first instinct to tell your crush or your partner?

“A mentor once told me, ‘You know you’re a good fit when your canada goose outlet partner is the first person you want to tell good news, and the first you want to canada goose outlet in canada tell bad news,'” Howes said. “Is that confidant your partner or your crush? If your crush begins canada goose jacket outlet uk to compromise the physical or emotional intimacy you have with your primary relationship, or you’re stoking fantasies about that happening, you’re in dangerous canada goose outlet online store territory.”

Hardie Williams told HuffPost that it’s important to be honest with yourself. In your heart, is it really “just a crush” or is there something more there?

buy canada goose jacket cheap “If your crush begins to compromise the physical or emotional intimacy you have with your primary relationship, or you’re stoking fantasies about that happening, you’re in dangerous territory.” buy canada goose jacket cheap.